Still Missing Flapper... dearly. |
It has been about 1 1/2 years since Flapper's loss to the lymphoma battle. It was tough initially coping with that sudden void. For some six years I wore my invisible "superhero" suit of being Batman Flapper's Alfred - his trainer, "manager" and ghost-writer - while Frodo was his idiotic but charming sidekick brother who could not catch a ball. Flapper was God's blessing to me. I lived vicariously and creatively through him. Most fondly missed is our community work. Together.
I spent the first few months tapping my fingers on the table not knowing what to do with that sudden void. No more product reviews, no more funny videos, no more community work, no more ghost-writing in his name. Literally. Void. Suddenly. Batman left as sneakily as he came into my life.
There was also dealing with the daily heartbreak of watching Frodo wait at the door for Flapper, his and his excitement that turn into barks then howls when Flapper's images and videos show up on TV. And then he would try to hide between us, the "daddy" and me", to avoid looking at telly but still sneaking peeks at it. This resulted in us consciously ensuring the movies hit the TV before Chrome Cast flashes the images off my phone.
Yes, I do have videos of Frodo reacting to seeing Flapper on TV but I am not sharing it as such content is better left unseen.
Fast forward.
Today.
Life has gone on. Some things changed, some things unchanged. Frodo turned 9 in March. Still an idiot. For the first three months post Flapper's death, he DID NOT play with the cat AT ALL. We got worried. Gradually he resumed his annoying 'younger brother' self and we heaved a sigh of relieve. Frodo has toned down and his aging (including slowing down) became pronounced about six months after. He still loves his play and swim times but can see he has lost some of that spark as his main focus in play used to be centered on annoying Flapper.
Grans have a new pup named DJ (short for Dumbo Jr). Dumbo Sr passed away a month before Flapper so yes, the family had a blow of double doggo-loss in a span of one month. But that's another story for another. So now, the roles have changed. From being the annoying younger brother, Frodo is now the recipient of his own annoying antics but lo and behold! He is now the patient older brother to DJ and I, the mama, am beaming with pride.
Flapper has taught him well.
The cats have changed too. Flapper used to be the anchor of the animals and he kept that certain order in a very silent way which I only came to reolize after his passing. Frappe is now super manja (affectionate) while Fluffy has become quite the a-hole and has become extremely vocal. Fights between the two cats occur daily which never used to be.
Pebbles is... the same?
Then there's me whose life has taken a big change but still the same person. Like Frodo, I have also mastered the art of avoiding looking at Flapper's photos/memories - which makes looking at this website challenging. Don't mistaken. I have accepted the loss but that does not mean it makes looking at his memories any easier. We did have 12 extraordinary years together, he was always my left-hand dog and worked as a team for some 10 years.
And of course... Covid-19. What can I say about its impact that has already not been said? I guess it has now given me to opportunity to stop procrastinating, clean the dust and cobwebs off Flapper's website and social media accounts and get some thing moving again.
It WILL be different and it WILL be a shift where the 'I' is no longer as Flapper but as myself, Flapper's Mummy. It is an uncomfortable space to be writing from but at least I have started with this first post after 1 1/2 years. It will be a collection of different content which may or may not be be dog-centric, maybe a mixture between personal and animals, surely some unfinished and throwback stories of Flapper...
There are still a lot of 'may, maybe' in the vocabulary as I try to figure this out.
I am waiting for the new website theme to be integrated to revamp/uplift this website. I am taking baby steps so please do forgive me for the current disjointed look while I decide what to do to push this website forward including reorganizing past contents.
Flapper, without doubt, will still be the muse in imagery.
This is, after all, called 'Flapper the Dog'.